Grace and Grieving
Loss is something we struggle to put words to. It's something that often feels like quick sand, where we feel frozen, yet sinking or maybe like the "black hole" of the soul where the magnetic force of sorrow keeps pulling us into an unknown space for an uncertain amount of time. Loss, be it death of a loved one; demise of a close relationship or unexpected snatching of one's health, will leave us feeling stunned and empty.
There are hardly words to explain this phenomenon. At times we find that there are no more tears to cry, so our body stores them up in our gut until our eyes find the strength to release the downpour of pain yet again.
Loss... What do we do with it? How do we cope? Where is God in the midst of such pain?
Why does it feel so dang shocking!? In an effort to be strong, we stuff these questions down and trudge through the waters that threaten to engulf us.
Origin: I do not believe that loss was something we were originally ever to have to deal with (one may consider this opinion and that is okay- always let Scripture speak!) Tragedy, loss, death...all of this was a result of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden (Gen. 3). God had already created humans and they were living in perfect harmony...not horror. But then, when the goodness of God was questioned by satan and the bait was taken by Eve, everything changed. Adam and Eve disobeyed the good and perfect God, sin entered and consequences came. Part of that meant that we would now face disappointment, pain and death.During tragedy, I remember that we were not originally intended nor created to have to deal with this. So, no matter how strong we are in faith, death (be it death of life, a friendship, health, etc) will always feel painful and we may always wrestle with it. Allow yourself to wrestle during this time and give yourself grace as you run to our very good God.
Relationship: Allow your grief to enter God's Word and your tears to cover His pages. Jesus knows, full well, the pain of loss. He shed tears Himself as He saw the pain of Mary and Martha grieving over the sickness and death of Lazarus. His tears weren't because He didn't know such would happen. Jesus even tells those He is with that "it wouldn't end in death (John 11:4) ." Jesus makes his way to Judea and sees Mary and Martha. John 11:33-35 recounts the scene prior to the tears of Christ. When Jesus saw Mary and others crying, His spirit was deeply moved. Jesus represents perfect faith because He is faith, and yet He cried. His compassion for those He loved was great. Whenever there is great love, there will be great grief. Dear one, if you are wrestling and your tears feel like an unending downpour, may you know that your Savior has the deepest of love and compassion for you and He will never abandon you. For He is so very near...right at this moment.
"Jesus wept..." John 11:35Identity: Sometimes, the loss we experience shakes our identity. We feel as if we have lost an arm and the truth is, getting back to life may very well look different. It may be that we learn to function in a new normal, as one who has lost an extremity. This doesn't mean the person can't have a full life or love life, it just may look different. We may continue on but have a daily recognition that there is something missing. God will teach, guide and love us through. He will bring good things and good people our way. He will show us how weakness opens the door for immense grace and goodness. How we don't always have to be so strong and people will still love us. How we need one another and the healing of Jesus often comes through His people hugging us, listening to us and providing warmth and comfort through words and prayers. Indeed, life may look a bit different but He will show you Himself in a very fresh, meaningful and miraculous way. Count on it... I know this one well.
The Most Obvious Question: Ask the hard question...why? God tells us and even commissions us to pour our hearts out to Him.
"Trust in Him at all times, you people. Pour out your hearts to Him for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8It is not wrong to ask why? But in asking, please know that more than likely God will answer the "what" and "where." What do I do and where do I go from here. He will also answer the "who" and "how." How our very BIG God will restore you because He is a restorer of life. The cross represented this in every way. Life from what seemed as if nothing good could possibly come from it. He swallowed up death and breathed out life to us. It is what He does. He brings life back to our days that may feel like nothing but "death."
"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you WILL restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." Psalm 71:20I am comforted by the book of Job. Here is a man who went through a dang dissertation of why's and what did he do to cause such calamity (Job 3: 3, 11-13; 6:24; 7:11; 7:18-21)? In the end, God didn't answer why but gave great comfort and strength through who He was/is. How His power is beyond anything we can imagine and how this same power would raise him back up from the emotional death he was experiencing. Maybe the answer to why would simply never satisfy. This is what God revealed to me in my time of immense loss and significant grief.
"Where were you when I laid the earth's foundations? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions....Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb...Have you ever given orders to the morning or shown the dawn its place? Job 38:4, 8, 12 One would need to go back and read this in its entirety to receive the rich blessing it offers but what God did through His presence and words basically led Job to a place of great hope and worship!!! He left the most awful season of life with a renewed faith and excitement for the living God.
"My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you!!" Job 42:5 As hard and dark as things might be, He never wants you or I to feel hopeless. The deepest darkness today does NOT represent what the future holds. Our emotions may not line up with that statement right now. Our thoughts are wigged out when hardship and/or tragedy strikes. Be careful to lean on the truth of God's Word. He promises:
"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14Precious ones, do not make any huge decisions or dark assumptions in the middle of pain. Wait for the Lord...
Permission: Lastly, God has given us permission to question and struggle. He gives us permission to grieve. He has devoted an entire book to this through Lamentations. An entire book on grieving! He knew how the fall of man coupled with the strikes of the enemy would cause us such pain. He has not left us unequipped or without words. He has them expressed in Lamentations and other books, such as Psalms and Job. God didn't say to us that we should always be strong and be posititive during pain. Actually, He wants honesty from us. In fact, He instructs those who are walking beside those who are in the freshness of suffering to be very careful.
"Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart." Prov 25:20
Take comfort in the counsel of God. Write down all you feel, but couple it with the words scripture gives us in having hope. Feelings are incredibly fragile and frazzled when the unexpected occurs. We can't trust them to steer our ship. We must keep that in mind at all times! Leave the crisp pages of journaling telling yourself and the enemy that you will stand and remain in hope and faith. And a fresh day will come, my friends.
It is well... In His Grace,
